On my mind.

If I thought for one minute that it was possible for her to forget me, I would have never left. Throughout life I've always been able to show affection well, but I have never been able to accept it until now. These feelings mask themselves as familiar, yet they feel new and uncharted. Its almost as if I created this perfection in my mind over time and I built it out of the scraps of what was left from numerous heartbreaks. I've been alone for so long that I've had time to mold an idea in my mind of what I look for in a woman. And that idea has become a part of me that I couldn't see or touch until now. I never expected this to happen but I feel as though its been a long time coming. Could this be something more than a feeling? Sure. I suppose. But I won't jump into a pool without testing the waters. So I keep my distance and only allow my heart to blink for now.
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Some would say the glass is half full, some would say the glass is half empty. Today, I say empty the fucking glass and throw a double shot of hard liquor in it until I'm too drunk to give a shit about the damn glass. I just laughed at myself, that's always a good feeling on days like this. Its not even a terrible day outside or a day that is full of pointless shit that i have to do for school. I just don't like today. Maybe it will get better, maybe worse. I guess I just keep waking up hoping for a change, something to light a fire under the ass of life. I understand i have to continue my education and do all the things necessary to one day obtain a "big boy job", but can't I have a little excitement as well? I mean I'm 22 for fuck sake. And I'm not getting any younger or taller or more handsome. I need to be more ALIVE! Why do my days have to be controlled by responsibility all the time!? I wish someone would walk up to me and ask me to do something completely spontaneous and crazy. Or a gorgeous girl would grab me and kiss me while I'm walking on campus, just to be wild for a few seconds. Oh what a dream it is to feel adventure. Here i am typing away at this keyboard to people who think I'm either nuts or just stupid. Instead of going wild and doing something crazy. Do me a favor world, live crazy today. Find someone to join you and cause havoc or break some rules. If the world was meant to be this bland, my crayon box as a child would have only consisted of the color gray. Enjoy yourself. Even if you can't enjoy anything else.

She Never Gets Old, I Never Wise Up

I don't like keeping myself at a distance from beautiful women. Its not fair to me, nor is it friendly for me to do so. I find that the female mind is the hardest puzzle to solve, even when it seems like most of them are riddles on children cereal boxes. Sometimes I can solve even the most difficult of mysterious reasoning that plagues the mentality of my opposing gender, but there's always the few that escape me. It never occurs to me that these type of women exist until I come in contact with one that totally throws my mind into a turbid lake of fire that is polluted by confusion and never ending disgust. One particular demon that I continuously fall prey to has recently struck again. How is it that no matter how good something seems in its duration, there's always enough time for things to evolve into a disastrous and typically mental shit storm that it does? Me, I'm fine I presume, Its her that can never get things on route to normal town. At times, we lose ourselves in a world where everything is so close to perfect. But is this intimacy with perfection what makes her fly off the path to its existence before we can even arrive to reap what we've worked so hard for? Its almost like she can't function without complication, which is an unfortunate trait to have when you also possess the ability to make someone else happy. The positive part of the time we spend together is so wonderful that I subsequently let her back in to do it again and again. Maybe it is me. Maybe my proclivity to fall for a beautiful smile is what makes this all my fault. If I could somehow keep the thought in my head that this road is not one to be traveled by someone as weak as myself, then I would be a lot better off. I don't have a map to this crazy mental world that exist inside of me. Even though I built it with my own broken hands. I just continue to let go of what should be held on to. And hold on to what is not really there. These illusions that could easily be avoided are masked in the lust of all that is my pleasure. Sure, I could learn from my mistakes but that would only mean that I have to continuously make them in order to obtain the knowledge I need to progress. Why can't progression be a gift of dealing with these things once. She will be back. And I will try my hardest to run away. You can't always beat what makes you. But you can try to make yourself. That's my advice to the "me" I'm building.
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If Only...

What if we had a sense that told us right away whether or not we were wasting our time when we are talking to someone were interested in? Imagine being able to stop yourself from looking like a complete idiot just by knowing when to stop. I can never detect or pick up on when a girl is interested or just creeped out. Which is sad because that's only the case because of guys that have no sense at all and proceed to do freakishly creep worthy things, thinking they actually have a chance. Which as a result, a lot of women automatically think a guy is going to be that way. So I GETS no ChaNCe! Itd be nice to actually know that I might have a shot just based on her actions but most girls are just being nice. And if they aren't just being nice then I'd never know. This shit sucks and I'm done talking about it.


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Knowledge is POWER

Hello world, remember when we met? I was a little naïve when I came to you. But I have taken your gifts and fused them into my being. Everyday I learn something new about myself. Sometimes I forget what that thing is and relearn it again. Last night I learned that I'm a gentlemen and I have what it takes to be a great friend. This is something I've always thought I knew but it really hit hard when I found myself putting "me" second. Then it hit even harder when I put "me" third,forth,fifth etc.
I have a tendency to be an asshole because I have negative views that control my thought process. I know,I'm sick. But its all good because I now know that I can prevail. I was always a sweet child according to my mother. After all she did raise me well, and she has a heart of gold also. But it isn't just my mothers light that brightened mine, I've also learned so many things from observing and focusing on the reactions of people. Sometimes a nice person is seen as weak and treated as if they aren't worth impression. Like when I meet a girl and I go out of my way to make sure she keeps a smile on her face by doing and saying nice things, and in turn she puts me in the role of a brother figure. This is the case in many situations,which is sad because it really makes a part of me unaware of how to act when I finally meet a girl who might be interested in more. But now that I have made these things apparent to myself, I think I got an idea of how to avoid these situations. This is more of a ramble but the main point is that finding out things about yourself is important. Try it. Knowledge is power.
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My Life. The Book. Oh God.

Yes, I am going to begin writing a book soon about things that both happen in my life and also in my mind. The connection of which is which will be left up to the reader. The characters name that will portray me will be something cool. Im open to all suggestions. I want this character to have a quick-wit and subtle type of humor like mine. In this book will be many stories that are what is to be considered very unbelievable, as most of what happens to me on occasion is .We all know I have a wonderful gift of turning things into very interesting situations and occurrences just by providing vivid detail and sometimes illustrious truth telling. Although my life might seem boring to some, I find that people get a good source of entertainment just by listening to some of the stories behind the events that happen to me. This is why I feel like a book is in order. With all of these events and an added flavor of conceptual madness, this book will be worth reading. The start date for this books is unknown , and as far as its completion?..Well im in college and my schedule is hard as dick so... yeah. Anyways i look forward to blogging a lot more so i can base some ideas off of what i write on here. So possibly be ready for some crazy insight from a crazy,ignorant, self-loathing asshole! ME!!! lol smiley face lol smiley face! That is all for now my friends. Please stay tuned.

Radiator goes BOOM!

My car never fails me at failing consistently.
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Wake Up Mr.West

Kanye West will never live down what he has created,which is the ego known as himself. The stunt he pulled at the VMA's was no surprise. Of coarse he had to make a scene or else he wouldn't be KanYe West. I understand that he's an idiot and what he did was wrong, I just hate the fact that he's also a damn genius who's music I cannot get enough of. No matter what he does he will always be a legend in his art. We shouldn't be surprised when he does outlandish, ignorant things. I don't really care for Taylor Swift but the girl is very talented and deserves to be where she is. Kanye just doesn't see past himself sometimes. I also think his apologies are weak. But long live the dick!
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New KiD cuDi!

His new album is amazing. At first it seemed very rushed,but after letting it play it has inspired me beyond measure. I look forward to using that inspiration.
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Music

Its been so hard to write music lately and for the life of me i cannot figure out why! i really wish i would regain that drive. Even if its just for a few songs.

you have to see this video!

http://www.break.com/usercontent/2009/9/auto-tune-the-news-8-with-t-pain-1180811.html

Smoke?

old picture. but i still love it.

My NEW ROOM

Time to start a new year in my new pad. I am very happy with this new layout

Josh's new pad entry. Its a sweet place.

a LIL Bitta GIN? Can Make me a LOTTa BiTTa CRAZy.

Thanks to Bryant. I am pretty much addicted to Gin. Gin &..well whatever really. This will be the poison of my year. FO SHO!

My FrrreeeennZZ

This is my entourage,no Ari. In a motorcycle jacket,no harley. She said dude you cool,gnarly.

Dadgum boy you gotchu a Blog?

This show wouldn't be half as funny if I didn't actually know people who acted this way.
Sometimes i laugh so hard it hurts. If you ever get the chance to watch Squidbillies, make it happen. You will not be disappointed .

Here is a plan of action we can all agree on.

My SteeZ!

I would like to have these. If i could afford this style, i would definitely rock it out.
I still try.

That futuristic space SWAG! It'd be nice to pull this off.

The greatest form of entertainment on a Sunday night. I look forward to it.

Hiking to the jump off

IMG00181-20090814-1404.jpg

1987

The Year Of Birth.
as well as sweeet rides, awesome haircuts, and Before MJ was considered a freak.

My Beautiful Life Tool

this is a crucial part of my life. I lived without it. i just cant figure out how I did.

Tools- Funny Skit

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/07c4a5443c/bobby-bottleservice-talks-to-all-the-sexy-internet-ladies#player

this is the definition of the guys i cannot stand. This guys is mocking them. PERFECTLY.

funny people

http://www.youtube.com/user/JohnRoberts
This guy is hilarious.

I am also a Hip-Hop/R&B/???
Artist. you should give my music a listen at http://www.myspace.com/jcymuzik

TOOLS

This new phenomenon of "Toolery" is taking America by storm. I dont know why these types of people bother me so much but fr some reason they make my blood curdle. I guess its the idea that they mask there ignorance and social disorders with labels on clothing and douche bag haircuts. Maybe its also the fact that a guy like me has less of a chance getting an attractive girl because im not retarted like these idiots. Should i be mad at the female population for stooping this low? Or should i just keep this aversion towards these brainless sub-humans who thrive on materialistic attributes to make up for there extreme lack of personality. hahaha. I think i will just let them be and not worry about the girls that are stupid enough to buy into this ridiculous fad of tooled out guido ass bagness. sounds good.

I got to se incubus live recently. They were a little bit past amazing. I saw them once when i was much younger but i was wayyyy to drunk to function. Bad idea, according to my brother i missed a great show. However i can remember watching them do "I Miss You" acoustically on a couch. I remeber that vividly. everything else is pretty much a blur. BUT! i saw them totally sober yesterday and it was incredible. Thank you incubus.

I want my apartment to have a futuristic feel to it. Ever since i got a Blackberry i feel like i need things to be beyond up to date. Clean, Sleek, Simple, Sexy.

So..I have a thing for kate winslet as well. this is also a recent discovery. i saw an ad with her on it today while i was working. the pic on the ad was much more intense. made me want to sit through TITANIC again. Maybe even go to the Museum (waste of money and land) in Pigeon Forge.

Kellie Pickler

i hate country music. But i would become the biggest country music sell out if it meant that i could share even 3 words with Kellie Pickler. Shes the dream. MY DREAM

Under Construction!

I haven't exactly figured out what my blog will contain, however i plan on making it epic.