She Never Gets Old, I Never Wise Up

I don't like keeping myself at a distance from beautiful women. Its not fair to me, nor is it friendly for me to do so. I find that the female mind is the hardest puzzle to solve, even when it seems like most of them are riddles on children cereal boxes. Sometimes I can solve even the most difficult of mysterious reasoning that plagues the mentality of my opposing gender, but there's always the few that escape me. It never occurs to me that these type of women exist until I come in contact with one that totally throws my mind into a turbid lake of fire that is polluted by confusion and never ending disgust. One particular demon that I continuously fall prey to has recently struck again. How is it that no matter how good something seems in its duration, there's always enough time for things to evolve into a disastrous and typically mental shit storm that it does? Me, I'm fine I presume, Its her that can never get things on route to normal town. At times, we lose ourselves in a world where everything is so close to perfect. But is this intimacy with perfection what makes her fly off the path to its existence before we can even arrive to reap what we've worked so hard for? Its almost like she can't function without complication, which is an unfortunate trait to have when you also possess the ability to make someone else happy. The positive part of the time we spend together is so wonderful that I subsequently let her back in to do it again and again. Maybe it is me. Maybe my proclivity to fall for a beautiful smile is what makes this all my fault. If I could somehow keep the thought in my head that this road is not one to be traveled by someone as weak as myself, then I would be a lot better off. I don't have a map to this crazy mental world that exist inside of me. Even though I built it with my own broken hands. I just continue to let go of what should be held on to. And hold on to what is not really there. These illusions that could easily be avoided are masked in the lust of all that is my pleasure. Sure, I could learn from my mistakes but that would only mean that I have to continuously make them in order to obtain the knowledge I need to progress. Why can't progression be a gift of dealing with these things once. She will be back. And I will try my hardest to run away. You can't always beat what makes you. But you can try to make yourself. That's my advice to the "me" I'm building.
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